when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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