I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
