I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
