Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
