she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
