Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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