Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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