i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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