they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
