non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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