If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
