He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
