If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
