i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
