What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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