we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
