mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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