well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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