for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was like eating out sand paper
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
