If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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