The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
