Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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