Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
