I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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