Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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