apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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