Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
