I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
