im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
