I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
