You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
