Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
