I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize