I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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