Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize