I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
