dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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