this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
