THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
