best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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