Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
should my penis look like a turkey
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
