We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize