ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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