i would punch a child for taco bell
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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