Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
