I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
