this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
