I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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