i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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