Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
