I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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