I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
