last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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