Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
