I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's shark week go big or go home
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
