I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
