I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
