i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
