oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
