dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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