discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize