is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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