That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
