OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
