we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
