Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
