Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
