Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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