I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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