Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
