Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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