This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
