my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
