I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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