I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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