Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize